Tag Archives: Work

Dealing With Madness

It’s time to be honest. I am sick. I suffer from bipolar disorder and now I’m in a hypomaniac period. I always use to be more sad in the winter, some years worse, or some years not at all, almost. This winter is the worst for many years for me. That I can tell you right now. I have therefore on sick leave from work.

It was on my work I understood that something was wrong. Causing drama and getting angry at people, or over protective and paranoid, has been something normal the last weeks on my job. I got obsessed with a suspicion of that a college is suffering from psycical ilness and was cutting himself. I had no proof for it at all. It was just an obsessive idea I got from nowhere. I wanted to help him and inform my colleges about his problems. When they asked why I thought this about a co-worker, the only so called “proof” I had was no proof at all. Just me overthinking. People started to get annoyed at me and they gave me a really big remark for my accusations. As soon as I got the remark, I understood how wrong I was all the time. I had no proof. It was just my mind spooking. I started to feel ashamed about what I had done and later, I started to cry. I cryed so badly because I realised I was mentally ill and needed therapy for my mania.

The stress, pressure and worryness I have been caring since last week has surely been a big part of my hypomania. It was stress due to brawls at work almost every day, fear of losing good friends and all the other intrigues that has been going on for the last weeks. I sleep to little as well. Only about five or four hours by night, which make my brain overheated sometimes.

But the scariest things are the memory slots. Friends and family are telling me that I’ve done and said completely outrageous things, that I don’t remember myself. I was recently told, that when I celebrated my little brother’s birthday, I collected the food on my plate as normal, but suddenly, I left the table and came back with a handful och chicken right in my hand and just placing them on my plate. Not very nice and hygenic, especially not in these pandemic times. I had no memory at all of doing that, and I would never do it knowingly.

As you all can see, I am now home from work and this monday, I will go to the psychiatrist and start to deal with my mental issues. In the meantime I will soon be started with my novel.

However, there are some good news as well. The last month, I have lost over five kilo of my weight. And then I havn’t even tried.

Skam Den Som Ger Sig

Första dagen på jobbet kommer allt närmare och då jävlar ska vi börja leta lägenheter så det står härliga till. För övrigt har jag på sistone experimenterat mycket med kartor. Omskrivningen av boken har dessutom kommit igång. Jag tror jag har skrivit tre kapitel vid det här laget. Awsome! Här kan ni se några exempel på mina kartor jag tecknat och satt ihop bit för bit!

Men där finns faktiskt en jag gillar ännu mer. Skillnaden är att den är gjord helt för hand och således inte hopsatt i datorn. Målet är att hitta någon som kan skanna eller fotografera en såpass stor bild. Så ni får ursäkta om mitt foto blir en aning suddigt.

Det blir en helt annan känsla när den är helt gjord för hand. Jag vet inte varför. Men här är min favorit i alla fall. Vilken är din favorit?

Utöver detta går det trögt med tecknandet. Jag vill göra illustrationer, men har på senare tid insett att jag är för dålig för att illustrera min egen bok. Nu väntar jag bara på att få lite rutiner i mitt liv, få ett jobb och flytta hemifrån. Den tionde augusti blir jag anställd på Masterpack i Kristianstad. Wish me luck! Wohoo!

Här kan ni också få ett litet smakprov på mina mer enkla illustrationer. De är gjorda helt utan blyerts. Det betyder att jag inte har suddat alls. Jag vet att jag har visat upp några av dem tidigare, men det är ju aldrig fel att påminna, eller hur?