My album “Biji Kobane” will be out on Spotify and all the other services in less than five minutes. Feel free to pre-save it on spotify here! Enjoy!
In new years eve, I made a promise. I would stop eating and drinking candy, chocolate and soda completely. I kept the vow for about an hour in the year of 2021. That’s the ygly truth.
However, there was some glimpses of light. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that I had lost over five kilos in only a few months. But after a break from my work, due to my mental health issues, I noticed that I started to consume even more sugar again. Today, on this day, I have gained all the kilos that I had been losing the last months. I feel like shit. Especially now after I recently have eaten my last meal of candy and soda for a long long time.
Now it’s time again. From sunday 00:00, I will completely stop eating candy and drinking soda. All chocolate, soda, lemonade, cookies and chocolate will go to hell. Except for pancakes off course. Home made pancakes. It’s time to make some change. I will start go out and walk every day. And when spring comes, I will go out bycicle. And when this goddamn pandemic is over, I will start go to gym.
My dentist said that I already now have got burns on my teeth, due to all the soda I’m drinking. Now it’s time for change. I will save thousands of Swedish crowns per month by doing this. Off course, it’s easy to say this now, when I’m satisfied after a big sugar bomb. But I’m actually starting to get tired of it all. This shit gotta go.
I have been starting to write on a novel and I write a lot nowadays. Just like before my great hypo-maniac depression that started in summer 2012. I will write and write and be creative just to stop thinking of chocolate and coca-cola. I have to.
No coca cola
Instead I will eat proper meals that makes me satisfied
More dark bread
Less white bread
Less potatoes and fries
No dinners at restaurants or pizzerias
No sweets, soda or candy
More workout at the gym
More teethcare and teeth brushing
For all your information! I’ve said it in Swedish before, but here I say it to all my followers from outside Sweden! All my four studio albums, including a fifth “Experimental Album” will be re-released on Spotify, Google Play, Deezer and whatever in hell they call all these streaming services… Here’s the release sheme for each album.
Biji Kobane – 2021-02-15
Svea – 2021-03-10
The Path Of Hatred – 2021-04-05
Conspiracy – 2021-05-10
The Experimental Years – 2021-06-01
Here’s the post for today, then. I have a very close friend, who I ironically, have never met in real life. We have written to eachother since late 2018, I think. And we have also been speaking by telephone. Milou Lindeberg is her name. She is quite an odd and diffucult person, which makes me like her even more! I like strange people with similar interests.
I think Milou sent me a friend request somewhere in 2018 or 2017. In the beginning, we were not very close at all. She was just a Facebook friend among others. But we began to come closer to eachother due to Milou’ss personal struggles with certain people or the internet tail of these people.
Milou is a jew with a very sad and dark past. I don’t want to go in to details about that here, but shs been through hell yhrough her whole life and what didn’t kill her made her stronger. I have always been with her when some nazi, islamist, leftist or right winger were against her. In late 2018, we became a great duo of real friendship and loyalty.
It’s not easy being a jew today, not in Sweden either. The antisemitism is wide spread across the globe, amongs right wing extremists, nazis, muslims and even leftists. The antisemithic propaganda can be hard to identify, if you don’t know about it’s history and how it has developed.
In the late 2018, Milou appeared accidently in the Swedish fake journalist and online hater Joakim Lamotte’s live video, where he had gathered a lot of people in Uppsala. Lamotte calls himself a women right defender, but that’s only if women agree with his view on criminality in Sweden. Lamotte just happened to film Milou, who just happened to be right at the place where Lamotte was filming. Even if she begged Lamotte not to film her, he continuing filming her. She knew that she would get in trouble, because people that critisizes Lamotte, mostly women, often get hanged out on his page with over 200 000 followers.
And that’s exactly what happened. Milou was identified by the nazi movement “Nordic Resistance Movement”, for wearing a David’s Star in her necklace. Her adress was shared amongs nazis and she got several visits with nazis painting Swastikas on her front door and throwing pig blood in her appartment, forcing her to move to another city long from Uppsala.
It was in this moment, that I really suffered together with Milou. I called her for the first time and we were talking about what the hell we were going to do. Milou has similar diagnostics like I have, but some even worsa that I cannot relate to. But we are always there for eachother when someone of us have a hard time. Milou is very funny and kind and she shares some interests with me. She paints, draws, and even make live armour and clothing. She loves Harry Potter and I love The Lord Of The Rings. And we are both trying to become writers.
Some years ago, Milou met another friend, Daniel Lernherde, which is a former nazi that have made up with his extremistic past. Now they have an own page: “The Ex-Nazi and the Jew” and they are travelling across Sweden and educating people about nazism, racism, antisemitism and hatred. Can you imagine? A former nazi, and a jew, together travelling around and educate about racism and antisemitism? It’s kinda cool, and admirable, isn’t it?
I have just finished yet another map. This is epic! Enjoy!
The final part of my album – Kurdistans Sång – In Swedish! Could you imagine that? Swedish!
A short overview of the history of Kurdistan, all made into a song. Enjoy!
It’s time to be honest. I am sick. I suffer from bipolar disorder and now I’m in a hypomaniac period. I always use to be more sad in the winter, some years worse, or some years not at all, almost. This winter is the worst for many years for me. That I can tell you right now. I have therefore on sick leave from work.
It was on my work I understood that something was wrong. Causing drama and getting angry at people, or over protective and paranoid, has been something normal the last weeks on my job. I got obsessed with a suspicion of that a college is suffering from psycical ilness and was cutting himself. I had no proof for it at all. It was just an obsessive idea I got from nowhere. I wanted to help him and inform my colleges about his problems. When they asked why I thought this about a co-worker, the only so called “proof” I had was no proof at all. Just me overthinking. People started to get annoyed at me and they gave me a really big remark for my accusations. As soon as I got the remark, I understood how wrong I was all the time. I had no proof. It was just my mind spooking. I started to feel ashamed about what I had done and later, I started to cry. I cryed so badly because I realised I was mentally ill and needed therapy for my mania.
The stress, pressure and worryness I have been caring since last week has surely been a big part of my hypomania. It was stress due to brawls at work almost every day, fear of losing good friends and all the other intrigues that has been going on for the last weeks. I sleep to little as well. Only about five or four hours by night, which make my brain overheated sometimes.
But the scariest things are the memory slots. Friends and family are telling me that I’ve done and said completely outrageous things, that I don’t remember myself. I was recently told, that when I celebrated my little brother’s birthday, I collected the food on my plate as normal, but suddenly, I left the table and came back with a handful och chicken right in my hand and just placing them on my plate. Not very nice and hygenic, especially not in these pandemic times. I had no memory at all of doing that, and I would never do it knowingly.
As you all can see, I am now home from work and this monday, I will go to the psychiatrist and start to deal with my mental issues. In the meantime I will soon be started with my novel.
However, there are some good news as well. The last month, I have lost over five kilo of my weight. And then I havn’t even tried.
This song is about the Turkish invasion of the Kurdish city of Afrin in Rojava and about the kurdish resistance there. A terrible crime against humanity.
A ballad about a Kurdish soldier and his last message to his family before he dies.